MERRY CHRISTMAS!

And what is my Christmas gift to you? How about a gem of a holiday song from the 80's.



Ironically because of English taxes, I don't believe a dime from this song actually went to poor children in Africa, but this combination of pop stars made an enduring Christmas song, and bless 'em for it!

Hope everyone has a great Christmas.

Suit Football 2008

IT'S SO ON!

FOOTBALL IN SUITS 2008!

Where: Westridge Elementary Field (it's on the east side of the school). For those who don't know where it is (Benson) here's an address.

1720 W 1460 N
Provo, Utah.

If you google or mapquest it I'm sure you'll get spot on directions.

When: Tuesday, December 23rd. Pre-game ceremony at 1, kick-off at 1:30.

Why: Why not?

How: In a suit.

Let us all remember that the pageantry is as important as the game. Let's not have any D. Stevenson's (no, that's too obvious, let's call him...Dave S.) at this years game.

After: Lunch and fond remembrances.

BE THERE!

Party Details!

Alright boys! Here's the details on the shindig at the Duerden's on the 22nd (Monday Night).

Come at 6:30 with your fam and a snack to share.

The feature attraction of the evening will be a showing of 'The Scarlet Letter Abridged"

For anyone who cares, there's still time to vote, or change your vote, as to where you want to play football in suits on Tuesday. Vote away!

Let's sort this out.

Two events that are of some importance...

Christmas get together on Dec. 22nd. The Mat(t)'s have generously offered their homes. I would prefer Duereden's parents house only in that it's closer (well, at least for some of us) and it will be a shorter distance for the guest I have in mind to travel (more on that in a second).

I think a starting time of around 6 pm would be good. Maybe bring easy party/snack type food, or maybe no food, come having eaten, or maybe we could chip in and get pizza.

I could bring the Wii, or not. We could play a game, or just chat. I really don't have an agenda, I just want everyone to have a good time, including the kids. I myself am stoked that Atti's going to be able to play with Elizabeth, Parley, Buda, Jackson, and any other children I perhaps don't know about.

NOW, here's the guest. A friend in my department is a professional face painter and said she'd be happy to come and paint the kids faces FOR FREE! Of course, I'd pass around an envelope, and collect some tips, and if anyone and everyone could pass on a few bucks that'd be nice. She's super talented and I think the kids would have a great time. Let me know if anyone/everyone wants this to happen.

Tuesday December 23rd. the 8th (I believe) edition of Football in Suits!

Pre-game warm up and social to start at 1 PM. Kick off at 1:30 pm.

If someone could make sure Kevin Chams knows, I haven't seen that guy in forever, and...sorta missed his wedding...so I'd like to catch up.

Where.

Three distinct possibilities...

Lions Park

Pros: Probably quite private
Creek to tackle Holmes into
pavilion to stash our stuff in
Lots of parking

Cons: No hint of academia.
kind of a funny location.
no eatery's around

Westridge/Grandview Field

Pros: Privacy
Nostalgia
lots of room
accessible parking

Cons: No hint of academia
no close eatery's

Field on the south side of campus (formerly the KMB)

Pros: ACADEMIA!
Across the street from J-dawgs, and Smart Cookie
Big field

Cons: Parking (?) (There's an A lot right next to the field that will probably be deserted...)
Privacy (?) although 87% of the students will be long gone. There might still be slack jawed gawkers.

There's our options. I've put up a poll, please response and let your opinions be heard.

Football in Suits 1997

The original Football in Suits (Nov. 1997, BYU).

My Sordid Past

Today while digging through old boxes at my parents' home I found a lot of old Provonian issues. I also found this highly disturbing and incriminating document.

Watch this when you want to get pumped up!

Now let's register the trolley, and win one for the Gipper!

Christmas Get Together

Who's in for a Dec. 22nd pre-game/FHE/feats of strength/Christmas party? Any time, activity, location suggestions?

Ode to Science and other Stuff

On my ride to school yesterday I saw a bumper sticker that read "What our schools need is a moment of science." I thought it was almost as sweet as the bumper sticker they were giving away for free at a hardware store in Salmon, ID that read "save 100 deer, kill a wolf."

Anyways, enough about bumper stickers, this post is supposed to be about science. So back to the moment of science, what a great idea, I wish we would have thought of it back during our PHS announcement days. I'm sure we could have come up with some great moments of science, for example Beef Guy or Captain Diction could have explained how science allows us to turn lead into gold or some other important scientific law. I wonder if Andy and Rob still remember that sweet Korean rap about turning lead into gold?

The bumper sticker also reminded me of the signs that were put up around the PHS science building that said "stop science before science stops you." First of all I thought it was pretty sweet that someone decide to put those up but I always wondered what that meant, how was science going to stop me? Or what is a moment of science anyways?I guess it's hard to explain such details in homemade signs or bumper stickers.

One of my favorite applications of science was when we would use it as a cheer at sport events. For example, instead of yelling "go cougars" or "go bulldogs" we would yell out "science"! I also believe that we made some student government posters that just said science in big letters on them with "PHS Hoops" in tiny letters in one of the corners. That way if someone accused of us making nonsensical posters and wasting school supplies we could say "what are you talking about? That poster's for PHS hoops." I learned the important lesson at that time that you can make almost any anything legitimate if you associate it with sports (I think Jed had a couple of good PHS golf posters that fall into this category and I remember one Tony did about "the giant shapeless mass" I think it was).

Well, this isn't really an ode. Oh well, that bumper sticker made me laugh on my ride to school yesterday so I thought I'd share.

Since we're talking about football in suits...

Here's Brandy's loving homage to the yearly game.

I believe this year is the eighth installment, the seventh? Anyone know for sure?

Also, how do we get our hands on the pics through the years? I'm have a few years stashed away (heaven knows how I got them) but if someone (Jed) has copies I'd like to see them.

Also if Holmes or Duerden have a copy of the first year group pic we need to put that baby on the site.

Football in Suits Logistics

Click here to see a spreadsheet of everybody's availability for football in suits based on comments in the previous football post. Place any corrections in the comments section and I will update the spreadsheet. Once we think the spreadsheet is correct we can either vote or let Tony make an executive decision.

A Very Beta Christmas

If you, like me, are losing sleep over the Alf Christmas Special that you missed 20 years ago because it came on while you were over at the ward house downing spaghetti and garlic bread and chasing down one of the Beckstroms to get your beanie back, your restless nights are over.

Someone with too much time on their hands has created a time machine to take you back. You can flip through the channels with the clicker, browse the TV Guide for what's playing, and waste hours of your valuable time reliving memories of a time when things were that much better than they are now.

Let's Hear it for The Men In Suits!

Isn't it about... Time?

Let's hear it for Friday!

Seriously, if there weren't a Friday, I wouldn't be able to keep a job. It means more to me than my benefits package and PTO.

It probably stems from having to go to Karate classes on Thursdays when I was a boy. I dreaded Thursday like a disease. As my mom drove me to the dojo, I used to lean my head against the window and watch the kids playing on the street in slow motion and I wanted to cry out of self pity, because all of those innocent happy kids didn't think Thursday was any different than any other day, and they didn't have to sacrifice their afternoon to torture, but then I knew that if I did cry, I'd have to do extra push-ups if I showed up at the dojo with swollen eyes and the sensei would shame me for being a baby (even though I sort of was).

And Wednesday is fine, but there's nothing special about it. It's the middle of the week. Like being the middle child: no one is really worried or excited about the middle child. They just keep things running and resent everyone for it.

Tuesday is too close to Monday to ever be cool. It's like it shouldn't even show up. I mean, who really notices Tuesday?

Saturday is cool. Usually. Only, as an adult and homeowner, it usually means a lot of work. I can't remember the last Saturday I had when I could just go golfing or hang out. But it's nice to wake up to your kids on Saturday, begging you to make a big breakfast or something. Kids make Saturday good.

Sunday is nice. That's the honest truth.

Monday... freaking monday.

Happy Friday, everyone. Have a nice weekend.

Maximilian und Olaf! Was ist los?!?

German soldiers too fat to fight the Taliban? Mat and Kirk, what is going on with your beloved Deutschland?

From the Archives: Ozark Boy Discovers BYZoo

Editor's note: We will periodically republish some of our old Provonian articles. While the perspective time and maturity provide has revealed that these articles may in fact not be the most brilliant works every penned by speakers of the English language--in spite of unshakable certitude to the contrary at the time of composition--we humbly offer our past writings to you, dear reader, in hopes that they might induce an errant smirk or raise a nostalgic snicker.

Ozark Boy Discovers BYZoo

Rob Holmes

As the astute reader will recall, in the last episode Ozark Boy went searching for a female companion. He failed miserably and is now back in Provo with his foster family. Now, anyone who spends time in Provo cannot help but to run into the local anomaly known as BYU. Unfortunately for our innocent hero, he was not properly prepared to face the mammoth legion of do-gooders inhabiting this island of piety. Although the physical scars will soon heal, we can only hope the resulting flashbacks, cold sweats and nightmares resulting from Ozark Boy's sojourn on the island will someday subside.

"C'mon Spleen [Ozark Boy's loyal pet badger], let's go for a meander up the bend," said Ozark Boy.

"BBBBB-shag-barf-ribbit!" responded Spleen euphorically. Ozark Boy and Spleen walked up the street known by the cephalically endowed as Eighth North. They came across a large thoroughfare named University Avenue. As Ozark Boy traversed the intersection his innards clumped into a tight ball the size of a tennis-ball.

"Spleen, my gut instinct sez' sometin's wrong," said Ozark Boy.

"Don't be a pansy, it is completely safe," responded Spleen. Now Ozark Boy had never heard Spleen actually verbalize a sentence so this was startling. However, he dismissed it as a slightly irritating side-effect of Spleen's diet of coal slag and steel tailings. Unbeknownst to Ozark Boy, Spleen's voice box was now possessed by a common throat bacteria Escherichia fishstory, which induced lying. Spleen was now a pathological liar.

At first observation, this strange land appeared like any other part of Provo. However, Ozark Boy began to see strange things. Hordes of glassy-eyed thralls walked the streets with no regard to the traffic and the countless rotting carcasses of the bison; brutally slaughtered for their tongues. The minions were uniformed in a disorderly array of plaid shirts, denim pants and hiking boots. All were uniformed except the small enclave of gymnosophists swarming around Brick Oven.

"Spleen, maybe we should go back," said Ozark Boy, his voice faltering.

"Oh no, this is the best place a young man of your age could be. What else would you be doing? Drinking, smoking, watching dirty movies, cruising up and down Main Street for two years? Trust me, this is the place."

"Well, if you say so Spleen. Look there's a forested park. Howse 'bout we go and make us a nice bonfire?"

"Very well," said Spleen. Then below his breath he added, "Two plus two equals five."

"What was that?"

"Nothing, I didn't say anything."

Ozark Boy felt peaceful as he and Spleen rummaged through the forest for worms, pine sap and edible foliage. Their sense of reverie was abruptly interrupted by countless strange beasts. Soon, everywhere they looked the beasts turned up. The beasts seemed to have tow bodies, one male and one female, and were tightly joined at the face.

Ozark Boy and Spleen fled the forest of beasts in terror. They ran until they came to a large building named the Smith Fieldhouse. They ducked inside, breathing heavily and sweating abundantly. Their ears were greeted by the thumping of a techno beat and piercing screams of a woman.

"And one! and two! and lift those thighs! and four! and c'mon just one more minute!" Ozark Boy and Spleen turned to see a perspiring army of co-eds moving about in all sorts of strange manners.

"What in tarnation's goin' on here, Spleen?" Ozark Boy did not know what to think of the spectacle.

"It's a book club; they're discussing Immanuel Kant."

"Spleen, youse don't know a stinkin' thing about books," cursed Ozark Boy. "I say we skidaddle on outta here." Ozark Boy and Spleen began to make their exit when they were caught up in a throng of stampeding joggers. They were swept away by the sheer force of the multitude and roughly set down fifty yards later. Laying bruised and disoriented, they were soon surrounded by the strange dancing drove of co-eds. Not knowing what else to do in this unusual situation, Ozark Boy had to act fast or they would be enveloped by the cavorting host. Ozark Boy whipped out a sandwich bag full of detergent, it looked like a few kilos, and brandished at the foes. He began bellowing Ministry at the top of his lungs. Spleen tore into the opposing legion with a snarling and hissing fury. It didn't take long for the companions to exit the Smith Fieldhouse safely.

From there they decided to visit the library. Spleen was excited, he hadn't eaten a good book in months. As Ozark Boy and Spleen entered the library they were immediately stopped by the security man at the entrance.

"You, badger, wait outside!" he commanded, motioning with his night stick. Spleen promptly swallowed the man whole and the two walked on as if nothing had happened. The two received constant glares and scowls from the Zoobies who were sitting on the floor in so-called study groups.

"Did you see his beard, oh my gosh!" "Why doesn't that little furry man shave?" "Isn't nakedness against the honor code?" "Yeah that furry guy should put some clothes on." The taunts and jibes were hurled with unrelenting fury.

Ozark Boy, not being one to take insults lying down, decided to fix their wagons. They proceeded to race around campus and steal every last razor blade. To make things worse, they hid all of the razors in every grocery store in town. Soon, every male attending BYU would be in flagrant violation of the BYU Dress and Grooming standards. Ozark Boy and Spleen made a hasty exit from the campus. They never looked back, but plodded on with the warm, satisfied feeling that comes from a job well done.

Thanksgiving Break Food Diary

The Fam just got back from Tucson where all us Gunn types (even long time hold out Tootie) celebrated Thanksgiving together. I didn't realize until this very moment that I ate A LOT of my favorite foods while on the trip, not even counting the Thanksgiving spread. A quick summery.


Chilli's Baby Back Ribs? Check.






Carne Asada Burrito? Check.





In-N-Out double double w/ grilled onions? Check.





Mongolian Barbecue? Check.











Magpie's Pizza? (which I didn't realize I would love until I ate it) Check.







Two things come to mind.

1. Tucson's got some great restaurants.

2. I need to go on a two week food detox. This was insane, the Wii Fit is going to be super cheesed off at me when I weigh in tomorrow morning.

Hopefully you all ate well over the break.