Because posts about investing and social issues may bore some of my gentle readers, I offer in appeasement the following hagiography for your diversion and entertainment. I know I am drafting a bit off the popularity of this universally beloved character (he was the consensus pick for funniest kid in 1st grade), but if such shameless hucksterism will boost the virtual circulation of The Provonian then so be it. Without further ado I present . . .
TEN COOL THINGS MIKEY DID
(Probably not the top ten because how could anyone even know that?)
10. Mikey utterly destroys his old choir tuxedo during the first (and probably best) "football in suits."
9. Mikey leads the boys in a stroll across the lawn during lunch with a boom box blaring Rage Against the Machine on his shoulder.
8. Playing a blind man in A Black Comedy as a senior, Mikey wanders up a staircase with his cane and falls directly through a trap door.
7. At the Shakespeare Festival in Cedar City we are playing a game of football in the street near our motel. Going long for a pass Mikey runs smack into our bus, but somehow manages to slide underneath the bus upon impact rather than taking a direct hit (incredible reflexes!). He limps off with a hurt knee, but after a good nap is back in perfect form (another of his superpowers).
6. While Val Lindsay is directing us in Danny Boy, Mikey enters the choir room. Unbeknownst to Mr. Lindsay, he stands on a chair doing an interpretive ballet pose until the the laughs coming from the choir betray him. Not amused, Mr. Lindsay kicks Mikey out of class (I think that's how it ended anyway).
5. During Kirk's Gorgoth cover at Mr. Provo High Mikey accidentally hits Brimhall in the head with a bat--oh wait that was someone else.
4. First assembly of senior year, in the old gym, and it is time to choose the most spirited kid from each class to sit in the spirit chairs (that's why they picked them right?). After choosing the underclassmen and junior, Pamrose starts to look for the senior, but stops mid-sentence as Mikey steps forward with his regal, flowing green cape and coolly marches to the seat--no throne--that is rightfully his.
3. In an assembly skit Mikey takes on Kirk in a wrestling match. I can't remember the exact plot (details Tony?) but somehow Mikey ends up on Kirk's shoulders and wraps his legs around Kirk's neck dragging him to the floor in one fluid motion! It was incredible, but it will only live in our memories because Brimhall accidentally kicked the plug out of the video camera right before it happened.
2. Mr. Provo High, 1997. For his talent Mikey slides through a hall pass and then jumps a table into a glass of water, thereby sealing his victory.
1. At the conclusion of a multi-choir concert at Abravanel Hall in SLC the participating choirs combine for two or three final numbers. Somehow Mikey ends up going skins whilst wandering amidst the group of tall guys in the back rows. Brilliant!--and I missed it, which I will forever regret.
Please inform me of any blemishes or oversights in this record and add your own favorite Padeken heroics to this already meritorious list.